Standing for My Marriage While Trusting God With the Outcome

(part 3 of 3)

I never imagined I would be writing about marriage restoration. I never imagined I would be studying scripture about divorce, separation, forgiveness, and covenant because I was personally living through it. It is easy to talk about faith when life looks the way we planned. It is much harder when God asks us to trust Him in a chapter we never wanted to write.

In the first article of this series, we looked at what scripture says about marriage and divorce. We saw that marriage was created by God, designed as a covenant, and intended to reflect His faithful love. In the second article, I shared more personally about my journey through legal separation, how God has challenged my understanding of covenant, and how I have learned that brokenness in marriage is often far more complicated than people realize.

Now comes the hardest question: What do you do when you believe God can restore something, but you cannot control whether restoration happens? That is where faith begins.

Standing in the Middle of the Story

One of the hardest parts about this season is that I am not writing from the other side. I am not sharing a testimony of a marriage that has already been restored. I am not looking back after everything has worked out exactly the way I prayed.

I am writing from the middle.
From complete uncertainty.
From much waiting.
From a place where I have had to learn what trusting God really means.

Because trust is easy when we can see the ending. Faith grows when we cannot.

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” – Hebrews 11:1

My 40-Day Stand for Marriage Restoration

Recently, I began working through 40-Day Stand: A 40-Day Journey Empowering You to Stand Supernaturally for Marriage Restoration by Jason Carver. Along with reading the book, I joined an online study group with other believers who are also praying for restoration in their marriages. As I write this, I am still in the middle of that journey. Still learning, praying, asking God to work. Not only in my circumstances, but in me.

What Standing Is Not

Before I talk about standing for marriage restoration, I want to clarify something important. I do not believe in a “name it and claim it” view of Christianity. I do not believe faith is a formula where if I pray enough, believe enough, say the right things, then God is required to give me the outcome I want.

That is not biblical faith. God is not a vending machine where we insert prayer and receive our preferred answer. God is sovereign. His wisdom, timing, and ways are greater than mine. Even Jesus, facing the cross, prayed:

“Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.” – Luke 22:42

That is the model of true surrender. Bringing our deepest desires before God while still trusting His will above our own.

What Standing Is

While I do not believe I can force God to restore my marriage, I do believe many of the principles I have learned through this journey are deeply biblical. Standing is prayer.

“Pray without ceasing.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:17

Standing is forgiveness.

“Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” – Colossians 3:13

Standing is patience, humility, removing bitterness, examining my own heart, and choosing obedience even when the outcome is uncertain. Those are not just marriage restoration principles. Those are Christian principles. The goal is not simply becoming a better husband, its becoming more like Christ.

Asking God to Change Me First

When this journey began, my prayers were focused almost entirely on my circumstances.

God, restore my marriage.
God, fix what is broken.
God, change this situation.
And I still pray those prayers.

But somewhere along the way, God began revealing something. Before He changed my circumstances, He wanted to work on my heart. It is easy to see someone else’s failures and identify where someone else needs to grow. It is easy to pray, “God, change them.” It is much harder to pray, “God, change me.”

David prayed:

“Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!” – Psalm 139:23

That prayer sounds beautiful until God starts answering it, because when God searches our hearts, He often reveals things we did not want to see. Pride, fear, selfishness, anger, grace. And while that process is painful, it is also evidence of God’s love.  That’s a process that started when my ordeal began and ended while I was in jail.

Restoration Requires Two People

One of the hardest truths I have had to accept is that I cannot restore my marriage by myself. I cannot control another person’s decisions or manufacture reconciliation. I cannot force forgiveness or create repentance in another heart. Only God can do that.

A marriage covenant involves two people. Restoration requires two people willing to humble themselves before God. Two people willing to acknowledge their own sin, to forgive. and rebuild trust. One person can pursue Christ, pray, repent, and forgive, but one person cannot reconcile a relationship alone.

Standing Does Not Mean Standing Still

One misconception about waiting on God is that it means doing nothing. Biblical waiting is active. Standing for restoration does not mean I stop growing. It does not mean I ignore my own failures or put my life on hold spiritually. Waiting on God means continuing to obey Him today. Growing, serving, loving, and healing today. Becoming who God has called me to become today, regardless of tomorrow’s outcome.

What If God Does Not Restore My Marriage?

This may be the hardest question. What if God does not answer my prayer the way I hope? What if restoration does not come? What if the story ends differently than the one I desire? Those questions hurt. But they also reveal where my ultimate hope truly rests.

My marriage is important. My family is important. Restoration is important. But none of those things can become my god.

My hope cannot ultimately be in a restored marriage.
My hope isn’t in my wife.
My hope is not in my family.
My hope has to be in Christ.

Job said:

“Though he slay me, I will hope in him.” – Job 13:15

That is not easy faith. That is surrender.

The Restoration God Is Already Doing

I still pray God restores my marriage. I still believe He can and that broken things can be made new. But I also recognize something, God has already been restoring me. Teaching me humility, patience, forgiveness, compassion and dependence on Him.

Maybe someday I will get to write the article about how God restored my marriage. I pray that I do. But even if my story looks different than the one I hoped for, God has not stopped being faithful.

My Hope Is in the God Who Restores Broken Things

The Bible is one long story of restoration: broken people, families, and situations, a perfect God redeeming imperfect people. God brought beauty out of Joseph’s betrayal, purpose out of Moses’ wilderness, and forgiveness out of Peter’s failure. Life out of the cross.  That’s who He is. He restores.

So today I stand. Not because I control the outcome, know the ending, or have a guarantee. I stand because I trust the One who does, and whether God restores my marriage, restores my heart, or continues restoring both, my hope remains the same. Jesus Christ.

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18

For every person standing in a story they never wanted to write: God is still near. He is still working, and he is still faithful.

(In case you missed it, read part 1 here and part 2 here)