My dear boys,
If you’re reading this, then you’ve grown older than you are today. Right now, as I write these words, you are 13, 12, and 8 years old. I don’t know exactly when you’ll find this letter or what life will look like when you do. Maybe our family has been restored. Maybe life has taken a different path than I hoped. Only God knows.
What I do know is this: I love you.
I have loved you every single day of your lives, and there has never been a day when I stopped thinking about you.
This is the first of what I hope will become many letters. I want this to be a journal from your dad, not just stories about our family, but lessons I’ve learned, mistakes I’ve made, truths from God’s Word, and the kind of wisdom I pray will help you long after I’m gone. My hope is that someday, when you have questions about life, marriage, work, faith, or fatherhood, you’ll know where to look. These letters are my way of continuing to walk beside you, even when life doesn’t allow me to do so in person.
I miss you more than words can express.
Not a day goes by that I don’t think about the memories we’ve made together. I remember fishing, hiking, soccer and baseball games, playing in the yard, hot wheels, video games, vacation to the Outer Banks, monster truck shows, geocaching, Cedar Point, Trail Life, watching movies, taking trips together, and so much more. Some of the happiest moments of my life were simply being your dad.
I also think about the moments I’ve missed, and those losses have brought many tears. There are birthdays, games, conversations, milestones, hugs, and ordinary days that I wish I could have shared with you. Those are wounds I carry every day, yet even in that pain, I continue to thank God for allowing me the privilege of being your father.
I also want to tell you something else. Your dad isn’t perfect.
I’ve made mistakes, some small, some significant. There are things I wish I had handled differently. There are moments when I should have been more patient, more humble, more courageous, and more intentional. I wish I had prayed more, listened better, and loved your mom even more sacrificially. I wish I had led our family more consistently instead of sometimes becoming distracted by work, comfort, hobbies, or my own ambitions.
For those failures, I am truly sorry, but I also want you to know something that I hope you’ll never doubt.
I did my very best to love you.
Every decision I made wasn’t always the right one, but I never stopped wanting what was best for you. I have always been proud to call you my sons, and if I had the chance, I would choose being your father all over again.
More than anything else, I want you to know Jesus Christ. Not because your dad says so, because we go to church, or because it’s tradition.
I want you to know Him because He is true and He loves you as the most perfect, benevolent father that ever existed.
There is nothing this world can offer that compares to knowing Christ. Money disappears. Success fades. Popularity comes and goes. Power is temporary. Even the strongest people eventually grow old.
But Jesus never changes. If you build your lives on Him, you’ll have a foundation that no disappointment, tragedy, or success can ever take away.
I also need to confess something.
Although I loved Jesus, I didn’t always show you what it looked like to put Him first every single day. There were times when I worried too much about work, achievements, finances, appearances, or what other people thought. Sometimes I looked more like a man chasing earthly things than a man completely surrendered to God.
I want to do better.
I want you to remember me not because of my career, the things I owned, or any accomplishments, but because I genuinely loved Jesus and tried to become more like Him. If there’s one thing I hope you inherit from me, let it be a faith that is real.
You may have questions about our family and why we were separated for a season. I don’t know what you’ve been told or what you will eventually understand. From my perspective, I never chose to stop being your father or to stop loving you. I didn’t choose to leave, I was forced to leave. The faulty legal process and the brokenness that entered our family kept us apart in ways that deeply grieved me. I prayed, and continue to pray, that God would bring healing, truth, wisdom, and restoration wherever it is possible.
Your mom and I are both imperfect people.
Like every husband and wife, we have sinned, made poor decisions, and fallen short of God’s design. I bear responsibility for my own failures, especially as the spiritual leader of our home. There were times when I became complacent instead of leading with courage and humility. I needed God’s correction just as much as anyone else.
I also believe that seasons of hardship can become seasons of refinement. God often does His deepest work when our lives are broken. He humbles us, convicts us, reshapes us, and teaches us to depend on Him. That process isn’t easy, but it is good if it draws us closer to Christ.
I don’t know what our future holds. I don’t know whether our family will one day be fully restored, or whether our story will take a different path than I’ve prayed for.
But I know this:
I will never stop loving you.
I will never stop praying for you.
I will never stop asking God to protect your hearts, strengthen your faith, and help you become men of integrity.
And I’ll never stop working to become a better father than I was yesterday.
If God grants us the gift of rebuilding what has been broken, I will praise Him with all my heart. If our path looks different than I hoped, I will still trust Him, because He has never abandoned me, and He will never abandon you.
One day, each of you will become men.
You’ll face temptation.
You’ll experience success and failure.
Your hearts will be broken.
You’ll have to decide whether you’ll follow Jesus when it’s easy, and when it costs you everything.
When those days come, I hope you’ll remember this first letter. Your identity isn’t found in your achievements. It isn’t found in sports, careers, money, relationships, or the opinions of other people. Your identity is found in being a beloved child of God.
Seek Him first.
Love people well.
Tell the truth.
Keep your word.
Honor your future wives.
Love your children.
Forgive quickly.
Repent when you’re wrong.
Stand for what is right, even if you stand alone, and never forget how deeply your father loves you. Until the Lord calls me home, that will never change.
With all my love,
Dad
One Response
♥️