(part 1 of 3)
Divorce is a word I never thought would become part of my story. Like many Christians, when I stood before God, my family, and my friends on my wedding day, I believed I was making a promise that would last the rest of my life.
“For better or worse.”
“For richer or poorer.”
“In sickness and in health.”
“Until death do us part.”
Those were not just words spoken during a ceremony. They were vows. They were a covenant.
Yet many of us eventually discover that marriage is far more difficult than we imagined. Two sinful people coming together will inevitably face hurt, disappointment, unmet expectations, conflict, and seasons of suffering.
Sometimes those seasons become incredibly painful.
Sometimes trust is damaged.
Sometimes hearts grow hard.
Sometimes the person you promised forever with feels like a stranger.
And in those moments, difficult questions begin to surface:
What does God actually say about divorce?
Does God ever allow it?
When should we keep fighting?
When do we let go?
For much of my life, those were theological questions. Today, they are personal ones.
This article begins a three-part journey through what Scripture says about divorce, what I have learned while walking through legal separation, and why I still believe God restores broken things. Before we talk about broken marriages, we first have to understand God’s original design.
God’s Original Design Was Lifelong Marriage
Marriage was not man’s invention. It was God’s. Before governments recognized marriage, before courts issued paperwork, before cultures created ceremonies, God established marriage.
Genesis 2:24 tells us:
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
Thousands of years later, when Jesus was questioned about divorce, He did not begin by discussing exceptions. He went back to creation.
“Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female… Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” – Matthew 19:4-6
Jesus reminds us that marriage is not simply an agreement between two people. It is something God joins together. Marriage is intended to be a picture of commitment, sacrifice, faithfulness, and covenant love. A reflection of Christ’s love for His church.
Marriage Is More Than a Contract — It Is a Covenant
One of the most important truths we must understand about marriage is that Scripture does not describe marriage merely as a contract. It describes marriage as a covenant.
The prophet Malachi refers to marriage this way:
“…your companion and your wife by covenant.” – Malachi 2:14
A contract says: “I will keep my commitment as long as you keep yours.” A covenant says: “I am making a promise before God.” That difference matters. Marriage vows are not simply emotional statements made on a happy day surrounded by friends and family. They are sacred promises. Promises to love, serve, remain faithful, endure hardship together, fight for each other instead of against each other.
And traditional marriage vows themselves acknowledge something important: Difficulty is coming. “For worse” means there will be worse. “For poorer” means there may be poorer. “In sickness” means sickness will come. Those words exist because love is not proven when everything is easy. Covenant love is revealed when keeping the promise becomes difficult.
Why Did Divorce Enter the Picture?
If marriage is God’s design, why does divorce exist? Jesus answered this directly:
“Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.” – Matthew 19:8
That statement is incredibly important. Jesus did not say divorce existed because marriage stopped mattering. He said divorce existed because hearts became hard. The problem was not God’s design.
The problem was sin: pride, selfishness, unforgiveness, adultery, bitterness, dishonesty, anger, a refusal to repent, a refusal to forgive, a refusal to pursue restoration. Sin destroys what God created to be beautiful.
Does God Hate Divorce?
One of the most quoted verses about divorce comes from Malachi:
“For I hate divorce, says the Lord…” – Malachi 2:16
Many people hear those words and immediately feel shame. But we have to understand God’s heart behind them. God does not hate divorced people. God loves broken people. God loves hurting people. God loves people whose stories did not turn out the way they hoped.
God hates divorce because He sees what it does. He sees the tears, broken families, wounded children, shattered dreams, bitterness, the division of something He created to be united. A good father hates anything that destroys his children. God hates divorce because He loves the people affected by it.
When Does the Bible Permit Divorce?
While Scripture presents marriage as a lifelong covenant, the Bible recognizes that sin can deeply damage relationships. God’s desire is always repentance, forgiveness, healing, and reconciliation whenever possible. However, Scripture does describe circumstances where divorce may be permitted.
Sexual Immorality
Jesus said:
“Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another commits adultery.” – Matthew 19:9
Adultery is treated seriously because it violates something sacred, it damages trust at the deepest level. Many marriages have survived adultery through confession, repentance, counseling, forgiveness, and the transforming power of Christ. But Scripture recognizes sexual immorality as a serious breaking of the marriage covenant.
Abandonment
Paul writes:
“But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved.” – 1 Corinthians 7:15
Marriage requires two people participating in the covenant. One person cannot force another person’s repentance, forgiveness, or willingness to reconcile.
Abuse
The Bible does not use the modern phrase “abusive marriage” when discussing divorce, but Scripture repeatedly condemns violence, cruelty, oppression, and mistreatment. Marriage is never permission for someone to harm another person. Christ calls husbands to love their wives:
“As Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” – Ephesians 5:25
Anyone experiencing abuse should seek safety, help, and wise biblical counsel. This applies to both men and women.
Broken Vows and Broken People
While Scripture recognizes serious covenant violations, we must also remember that marriage consists of two sinners. If every failure ended a marriage, no marriage would survive. Every husband and wife will fail. Every husband and wife will need grace. Every husband and wife will need forgiveness.
Paul writes:
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” – Ephesians 4:32
The existence of hurt does not mean restoration is impossible. Sometimes hurt is where God begins His greatest work. But what happens when there is no adultery? No abuse? No biblical abandonment? What happens when a marriage is deeply wounded but not beyond God’s ability to heal?
That is where my own story begins. (Stay tuned for part 2)